Traveling always comes with its own set of challenges. There’s packing, flight delays, screaming kids (whether it’s your own or someone else’s) just to name a few. But today I’d like to discuss one very specific thing I noticed after being on 4 flights in about 3 weeks.

Most of the time they keep the aircraft at a reasonably cool temperature. Sometimes it’s even downright cold and then you’re pissed. I was coming from Orlando where it was 9,374 degrees, so you try to be as close to naked as possible. Then you get on the plane and it’s a suddenly a comfortable temperature for a penguin. I know, just bring a sweatshirt. I find in the Orlando summer heat, the thought of even holding a sweatshirt gives me hot flashes.

So my second of the 4 flights I mentioned had the most challenges by far. We were flying from NY to Orlando, the flight was supposed to leave at 8:30PM. It left at 1:10AM. It was like an unintentional red eye with no time change to make it worth your while. And yes, our 5 year old was with us. She did shockingly well, as she thought “flying on a plane in the middle of the night was cool.” That, and I was so delirious I gave her like 7 more gummy worms than she would normally be allowed. Or it might have been 27. I didn’t care, as long as she was occupied and the number of “are we were there yets?” remained under 10. 11 and I feel the need to seek desperation refuge in the airplane bathroom made for the small minority of adults the size of Ariana Grande. You know how there are those breeds that have teeny tiny versions of their average size dogs? I think they’re called “toy,” so a Toy Maltese would be one example. Well, Ariana Grande is like a Toy Human.

Anyway, back to the pointless red-eye. The flight was relatively smooth and landed on time. When you land, you slowly taxi to the gate which I understand. But once you get there, they always shut off the air conditioning on the plane. Now given there are a lot of people all crammed into a metal cylinder, the temperature rises at an unbelievably fast rate. Like it can go from 70 to 90 degrees in like 3 minutes. I’m also someone who inevitably feels nauseous after the plane lands just from the motion. Now, I think most would agree that there are few worse feelings than being nauseous. Except being hot and nauseous. It’s like you’re already hot from being nauseous, and then someone throws you in a sauna where there are 3 screaming kids. Then you sit. And you wait. And you wait longer for people to get their luggage and GO!!! 5 minutes feels like 50 and you’re now nauseous, hot, frustrated, and it starts to smell bad…gas, BO, the tuna sandwich someone unwisely brought on the plane, their breath after. Just as you think you’re about to go postal, the line in the aisle starts to move and your sanity is saved. Until you get to baggage claim and they’ve lost your luggage. Why do people go anywhere?!?!

Anyway, I’m sure there’s a reason they can’t keep the air on while we wait to deplane, but frankly I don’t care what it is. It sucks. So whoever is responsible for me feeling as if I’m going to faint and barf at the same time, you are the douchebag of the day.